VVVRRRRRRRRRRRMMMM (<---vacuum sound)

Casinos are so weird.

Have you ever been to one?  It’s like some mysterious alternate universe where time doesn’t exist, cigar smoke and the smell of scotch mingle pleasantly together to create a new form of oxygen, and people cease to be the social creatures the laws of humanity seem to dictate.

No but seriously.  At least in Chumash, there are no clocks.  No windows.  And no sense of self-respect.  Not to mention readily-available alcohol to boost one’s sense of invicibility.  It’s the perfect environment to lose money! 

“Martha, I’m not having any luck at the Blackjack table!”

“I’m drunk and lost our son’s college savings fund!!!!1!1  WOOOHOOOO!!!”

Everything smells of sweat and guilt.  Mmmmmmmm.

In those commercials, where everyone is having fun together and winning and cheering and just having an all-around merry ‘ol time… yeah those actors should be paid copious amounts of cash for their legendary performances.

People isolate themselves and sit solemnly at one slot machine for hours.  And sometimes there are huge amounts of winnings on their screens!  But it makes me think… #1: if their winnings say “$1,000!!!!1!1!11” did they actually start with… like… 10,000?  And #2: how long have they been there?  Especially since a lot of the big winners are found on the penny slots O_o.  That’s a solid metric shit-ton of hours spent on slots.

“Martha!  Holy shit!  It’s 5am!  When did we get here??”

“Wednesday!”

Now, okay, casinos can be fun.  Who doesn’t like free money?  That’s like, the best kind.  But good lord can they swallow your time.  And pride.  And happiness.

I seem to be arguing against myself here.

The last time I was in a casino I won 75 bucks within three minutes on the first slot machine anyone of my group played that night.  We were super jazzed about what this foretold of our future money-making prospects. 

Aaaaaand that was all any of us won for the rest of the night.

Thanks, Chumash, you frickin happiness vacuum.