Does This Rag Smell Like Chloroform?

I’m so tired of overanalyzing everything in literature.  I remember last year I had this debate with my teacher over the meaning of this person’s hat in a famous short story.  He said that the hat made the wearer a Jesus figure (or something… I honestly don’t remember.  It could have had nothing to do with Jesus.  But let’s throw him in there just because.) for something reason or another, and I said whatthehellareyoutalkingabout?  There was even a word from the author at the end of the story addressing this, as apparently my teacher had not been the first to bring up such an… interesting interpretation.

You know what the author’s response was?

“No, it’s just a hat.  Shut up.”

That’s not quite the exact quote; it may have been a bit more elegantly worded, but you get my point.

And my teacher’s response?

“Well, maybe she was just denying it.  Author’s don’t have to admit to everything.”

My vocal response: “Mmmmm…”

My mental response: “OMGZ STFU.”

Can’t a hat just be a hat?  People wear non-metaphorical hats in real life right?  I mean, personally, my hats are always metaphorical, but that’s personal preference.

That teacher told me that authors deserve credit for whatever the reader gives them.  Therefore, if the reader overanalyzes the crap out of a story, the author meant to include that within the story.

I say: bull dinky.

The writer never unintentionally includes some religious allusion.  It just doesn’t happen.  And if you have to dig and dig and DIG to find one… put the goddamn shovel away and just appreciate what you can dig up with your hands; you’re hitting a rock anyway.

Honestly you can make something out of anything.  Seriously.  It’s called the art of bullshitting.  I think a lot of teachers have to be well versed in it.

All that being said… I totally included a metaphor to armadillos hidden in the first and last letters of every sentence of this post.

Did you look for it?

Good, ‘cause that was a lie.

And no, the title relates to nothing.

…Or DOES it???

No.  It doesn’t.  I just wanted to use that line as a title. 

…Or DID I???

…