Slacklining is NOT Heroin

Okay, so normally I don’t write about super personal stuff in this blog, but I feel like this might be entertaining.

Eh, screw it, I just wanna vent.

So if you know me at all… or stalk my facebook… (the two are, in fact, mutually exclusive in this day and age) you will know that I love slacklining.  If you don’t know what slacklining is… go stalk my pictures.

Anyway.  In Thousand Oaks, where I used to live, slacklining was allowed essentially anywhere.  We NEVER had problems with the authorities and such.  

But apparently Orange County has some great desire to punish all those who walk two feet off the ground on a strip of nylon webbing.  OH LORDY, WHAT A SIN!!! – exclaimed the overly dramatic black woman.

I’ve been kicked out of parks several times.  I even printed out the PARK LAWS and carried them with me to defend myself.  But, and I quote the park ranger, “It’s not about what’s legal”.  Hm.  Hmmmmm.  Hrrmmm.  I do believe it is, sir.  That’s why we have laws.

I’m currently in the process of obtaining a permit for slacklining here in OC… Hopefully.  No one seems to know what to tell me, which brings us to what I believe to be the root of the problem: No one understands slacklining.  And, as it is natural for humans to shun anything unfamiliar to them and shy away from what they don’t understand (if you don’t believe me, look at any event in history ever ever), it is only expected that officials would condemn slacklining, because… after all… what the hell is it, anyway??

“It’s far too dangerous to do in parks,” … really?  Because, by that logic, people should not be allowed to RUN in parks.  I’ve hurt myself more running and walking (shut up) than I have slacklining.  Irony: when I step on a thorn and am prevented from doing anything physical for two weeks.  This happened while slacklining, at a moment when I was WALKING up to the slackline.

“You could sue the park if you are injured,” firstly, I want to address this argument in general.  Yes, there are those assholes out there who would do such a thing.  I am fully aware.  But, let’s say I am playing Frisbee with my buddy in the park… and I knock one of his teeth out because he has the hand-eye coordination of a drowning bat… by that logic, we could STILL sue the park because it was on THEIR premises.  

“It hurts the trees,” No it doesn’t.

“I trust that you know what you’re doing, but it could be dangerous to those around you; what if someone wants to try it?  What if a kid rides his bike into it?” Thank you for the compliment.  As for the two concerns, if someone wants to try it, AWESOME.  It’s a social activity.  People bond and shit.  If some kid rides his bike into it… why is he on a bike if he is blind?  That’s dangerous in itself.

As with anything that people don’t understand, it may take a while for them to adjust to what slacklining really is.  It isn’t dangerous (assuming your line is below your head), it doesn’t harm the trees (USE TOWELS), and it isn’t drugs.  I swear, I think that the authorities think it’s drugs.  IT’S NOT DRUGS, OFFICER.

I look forward to the day when one can slack in peace.